Partly it is because I cannot decide what I want this blog to be - a place to unload and organise my thoughts, a happy place to record the good things and remind me to be hopeful, a place to mark my children's milestones, a place just for crafting and similar activities, away from all the complicated stuff. Partly it is because life seems to be on quicksand at the moment and by the time I find a moment to write, the posts i have been mentally composing no longer seem relevant and I'm not sure what to say instead. Partly it is because I feel conflicted about pretty much everything and am simply not sure at any given moment what I think or feel and what I want to share.
Then tonight I came across a blog that changed everything. It is a beautiful and heartbreaking blog; a blog that taps into my worst fears and yet a blog that is, despite all the bare and unconcealed heartache, full of joy, hope and courage. It has reminded me that life is short, sometimes cruelly so, and therefore we need to grab every moment that we can. We need to squirrel them away and treasure them, in case it turns out there are no more. It has reminded me that, no matter how hard I am finding it, there are moments of great joy and happiness in each and every day and I don't want to forget those. It has also made me realise that even the hard bits might be worth recording and treasuring and it has given me a much-needed reality check. That is not to say that my problems don't count or that I should brush my feelings under the carpet, just that it has reminded me that, no matter how dark things appear to be right now, I am exceptionally lucky and I want to keep hold of that feeling.
And so, finally on the eve of him turning seven months, I present my lovely smiley bundle of joy, as he was the day he was born
and as he is today. My Mr Man.
And, because she remains at the centre of my universe, even though I don't know how to ensure she understands that her place in my heart is unchanged, my Baby Bird, as she was the day she first met her brother
and as she is now (well, not right now; right now she is poorly and feeling understandably sorry for herself and looking quite peaky so this is her a few days ago).
Both had undergone such changes in the last seven months and already I can feel the memories fading. I hope to go back and fill in some of the blanks over the coming days and weeks and to make sure that I capture what is happening right now, before I forget.
Because you never know when it may turn out to be all you have.